Hmm… those famous words: Till Death… Do Us Part. They are kind of creepy when you’re stuck in a bad marriage! I married twice, and divorced twice, so I think I can speak on the subject with some level of expertise.
I recall having to face the basis of those words and decipher just what they meant, in my case/s. Any religious person, who is married, for decades upon decades, would tell you that you are to take those words literally, as they mean exactly what they say: Until you die, you are, stuck, with the wrong spouse!
Well, at least that’s how I took it, and couldn’t bear it! Mainly because of the other promises attached to it: “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ’til death do us part!”
[Man, that’s a long time; to, be-married-to the wrong person!]
Not to mention that “God,” if He is anything of importance to you, plays a large role in this… vow of sorts; or at least that’s what we find out when reading the Bible or taking our vows in church or in civil ceremony, as did I, in all these settings.
Add to that, the idea or premise that God hates divorce; that what He has joined together, let no man take asunder! Moreover, the children, born of the marriage, and what this all means to them, now and in their future relationships/marriage! Then, we have it: the person ya married is the worst possible partner you could have chosen for yourself! Nothing like you: outlooks differ; virtues differ; parenting skills differ; money; what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine, too! Gosh, the list expands, and goes on, and on, if we let it! We got married for all the right reasons [blissful, at first]; and now want to flee for all the wrongful function [doomed, if we stay]! Small wonder that people have cast God, and all the “rules” to the side and just gone with their, own, feelings! To them, it’s do or die; flee, or fry in this hellish marriage! Well, at least that’s the picture I get from Hollywood marriages, and two of my own.
Before I made my move/s, I spoke to many people about it: to couples who divorced; to couples that saw their Golden years together; and to single men and women, alike. Dang, I even spoke to kids about it, just to see if I’d hear a word from the wise! And, I also searched the scriptures for the answers, with such hunger to do what’s right, even I couldn’t believe just how desperate I’d become, to, be freed, again!
Then, one day, a wise woman said to me that she tends to believe that those words, “till death do us part” mean the death of one’s marital spirit. She didn’t have to elaborate any further, for I got the gist of it. This woman and her husband lasted sixty years together, and no one [that I know] was more “religious” than she was; she was my first, mother in law, when I asked her that question!
Indeed, marriage is an Institution, of sorts; run like a business sometimes; and we have to give it deep thought, and know precisely what it is we are walking into and getting ourselves involved in, before committing to it and/or to our partner. Once divorced, twice, I got a clearer picture of just how significant, and of great consequence marriage really is. In part, I do believe that marriage should mean, till death do we part. For who wants to live a life of hopping from one partner to the next, with no real commitment and stable history, to speak of? However, I have to wonder if “marriage” hasn’t become a thing of the past, these days, with even the oldest-running marriages ending?
Well, for me, Yes; between God and me; the relationship is, till death do us part. …
P.S. I will probably return to this blog to revise it.