“All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own.” ~Johann von Goethe, The Sorrows of Young Werther, 1774
My heart is all my own… That’s what I’m finally realizing…that my heart is all my own and that, with its unrest, only I live!
There comes a time in our lives when we must decide the road to choose, the path to take, and the journey to follow. And we travel the experience alone, even if surrounded by family and friends!
Well, not entirely alone am I when God is with me…that “breath of life” that I so, either, graciously accept or entirely take for granted. That peerless “love” that somehow lives within me when I find myself, alone.
These days I find myself at a cross-road… almost as if caught in a trap or deep inside a fog! I search my heart to find the answers, which renders itself too quiet for my liking! I would search my mind for the answers, but that part of me is so noisy lately that all I could think is to find a way out of there! I don’t feel that I’ve lost my way; I just feel that everything came to a screeching halt and the gates or barriers before me haven’t lifted yet, so that I may step forward and continue going where I’m meant to go.
There are certain people and certain notions that I must release! For, keeping these around, only shows me old patterns by which I used to live. Much like the old skins into which we cannot pour new wine. And I’m not happy about that! I’m not happy about feeling pulled back and unable to spread my wings and experiencing the kind of life that God intended for me to live.
Some would say that all of this is all in my mind…that if anyone or anything is holding me back it is my self doing this to me! I beg to differ. I grew up believing that I’m a caretaker. Or perhaps the real problem is that I’m extra compassionate and have great empathy for others? Either way, the cross-road asks me, “Just when are you going to live for you, instead of for others?”
I wish that I could break free and just go on my way, without feeling any sort of remorse or sympathy or guilt, or even any concern for anyone but my two children! I am not God, although in His image indeed was I created! Everyone would find his and her own way…that’s just the way that life is!
Well, as I wait for the clouds to lift…the fog to dissipate…the gate or barriers to rise up and let me through to the next phase! I suppose I should sit this one out and think about what I’m thinking about or my mind just may keep me from hearing the whispers of my heart! I am, finding my way!