I have been out of touch lately…not only with the world out there, but also with my self. This has been a year of blows… of constant goings-on that have left little room for me to come up for air and come to terms with many of the changes I have seen take place in my life. It’s to the point now where, completely relying on God to take full control of watching over me, I’ve stood still, just to take it all in and marvel over the excessive winds of change!
One of the hardest blows came on the night of September 27, 2012. My brother took his own life, at about 9 pm. He was 11-months older than me and suffering from depression. His death, unlike that of my parents or that of my two younger sisters, resurrected the past, my childhood, in ways I never expected. Perhaps this had to do with the turnout of old friends…people that we grew up with who also were blown away by his sudden death, and that seeing them returned me to a place of reconnection to a former life and much comfort? Or maybe it had to do with my brother’s leadership role as forerunner to my siblings and me, and that none of us ever expected him to die in the way that he did? I still don’t know why my childhood came flooding back in when he passed away…I just know that his death has put me in a different place now.
Then, of course, the unstable economy affected me, as it has countless other people, and that, because of it, life has felt like that body of water & waves I’ve had to walk-upon or sink beneath it! Practically every area of my life went punched by the blows this year. Everything I tried to do, to improve my situation, to help my self out of the trenches and see a more stable existence has just about crumbled right before my eyes!
But I do know this much: that through it all, GOD has asked me to simply TRUST HIM, for HE knows the way… He is the truth…and He is the life! Perhaps not many people grasp the notion the way that I do, but that’s neither here nor there; I grasp the notion and waits upon the Lord, to see me through it all. I have no idea what the future holds…and I hope to return to my hobby of hosting ChrisCross Radio and to my writing of books. I only know the dreams that thrive in my heart and the ONE WHO makes them all possible. The wind of change grows my faith…