I don’t understand some parents, namely, certain fathers! I know one in particular that baffles the daylights out of me and needs be put in check! Before his daughter was even conceived, he had said to his wife, “I just want to have a child, into whose eyes I could look and say, ‘I’m your father!'” Okay… Hmm…
But then a daughter is born into his family and every bit of that ideal, went right out the window! To this day, the Mom wonders what that “hope” of his was all about. Could it be that he was riding on such high male Ego that all that was important to him was to know that he was capable of fathering a child? It surely appears that way now!
So he has this child, and at the onset was a doting dad, when he carried the tiny newborn on the palm of his hand and saw to her every need. That was lovely to see. In fact, he was so attentive toward his newborn girl, that one day he was coming down the stairs, with her on his forearm and palm, never noticing that on the steps the Mom had placed a few items to take upstairs shortly, and he slips and falls on these few things and is sliding down those stairs like a kid on a snow board, right down to the bottom landing! Startled beyond words, he quickly jumps to his feet, with his newborn still safe on his arm, his eyes wide with fright, and hollers to the laughing wife: “What, are you f___ing stupid?”
No, she thought to herself, but you are, when you don’t watch where you’re going! The Mom, glad that he hadn’t dropped the newborn, gently took her baby from his arm and quietly walked away; taking with her the sadness by which she lived while in marriage to him. The moment that his daughter could speak, this dad disengaged himself [emotionally] from his relationship with his daughter. This became a problem, a huge problem, for his daughter, and later for him.
Mothers aren’t necessarily always the only parent that bonds with and understands her child; I, personally speaking, had a wonderful relationship with my dad but a sour one with my Mom, so I have a good reference for, when observing this child’s poor relationship with her dad. Or should I say, this man’s poor relationship with his child; he is the grownup and she, the dependent child.
At any rate, I recall observing the little girl’s undying need and longing to connect with her father, to bond with him perhaps in the same way that she had with her mother; after all, he was her “Dad” and she loved him and the idea of “family” very much! At age 4, she went to her mother one day and asked her if she would help her have a talk with dad, for there was something that she needed to tell him. Mom obliged her and arranged a family meeting, to take place after dinner.
The three of them sat around the living room, the child sat on the floor in a butterfly position, hesitating, fearful of opening up to dad. Mom reassured her that she was safe and encouraged her to speak her heart. “Dad,” she said, using her finger across the carpet to outline the description, “You are north and I am south – and we don’t connect!” she stated, and he busted out laughing! The child quickly looked at her Mom, with staunch shock on her face. “See what I mean about him? He doesn’t care, Mom!” She then arose and ran off, crying.
The Mom was so mad at her husband and chastised him for minimizing their daughter’s feelings and her kind attempt to work on fixing their awful relationship! His response to that? He laughed even harder and never sought to go and find out what exactly was it that his daughter needed to say!
His daughter now is a teenager, the relationship between her father and herself, always in this fashion, only worsened through the years. He divorced her mother, when this girl was 11, and went and married another woman just 7 days after the divorce, and they now have a child, that the father seems to favor. The lovely girl grew up deprived of what it is to have a loving father, and it breaks the hearts of those who know her and have watched her story unfold. However, knowing her today, I can tell that she’s an “old soul” from whom the father could learn much, about life, love, and family, and completely support her when she says, Dad, grow up!
How sad, for him, who now [for self-seeking reasons] is, with all tenacity, begging her to comply with his wishes, when it just is way, too far gone in emotional damage for the girl to even care about his needs! Man, says the Mom, …dad, grow up! You’re as like a stunted child trapped in a man’s body; be a man and own up to the wrongs that you created.