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Stifled I lost my way recently, and sat in darkness for sometime over it. I was, dumb. I did two things that caused the veering away from God and led me to the “nowhere land.” First, I opened myself to “a new line of thinking,” and secondly, I as well allowed another person’s opinion of God to stifle me from expressing my own opinion of the Good Lord. Now, why would I do that, especially given the lifelong relationship that I know I had with God?  I know why.  Collectively, because there were many reasons that led to this…nowhere land, only one word encompasses all of that: Impatience!

I was, impatient.  My life was pressing me from all sides; it was as if a box made of bricks enclosed me, from top to bottom and side to side, and I was seeing no way out, in spite of all of my efforts to find solutions!  That then, trapped as I felt, I began seeking the answers elsewhere, while simultaneously hearing, from a trusted source, that perhaps my “success” rests more with “less talk about God.”

As an author, of a published book, and several other written works awaiting publication, I am a controversial writer: most of my heroines simulate religious people, but these women also find themselves simulating human beings caught-up in sexual embroilment.  And isn’t that the truth behind-the-scenes for so many religious folk?  Why do such spicy tales exist in real life and get loads of attention when exposed, but the same doesn’t work in story books such as the ones that I write, I still wonder!  Although my stories are a work of fiction, I like to keep my characters real.  But, in a few words, I was told that the idea that “sex sells” is far more popular than books about God.  And, stupid me, I bought it, and soon watched everything about my writing fall to shreds!  At that point, I didn’t know what else to write about, when “writer’s block” took over, on top of it, to make matters worse!  OMG, and all of this–based on one person’s opinion, a person with his own right to his beliefs, just as I had my own right to my own beliefs!

Just as that situation was unfolding, I was already “in the thick” between the “new line of thinking” and my age-old belief in God.  Driven by the outward pressure to hold down every aspect of my life, and grown impatient due to no results, I began exploring this whole idea therein the “new age” mindset, which, if you ask me, points you nonetheless to NEED God and His help, at the end of each day!  It wasn’t long before I realized that the other mindset leads you to believe that you can do all things [apart from our Maker] because allegedly we are little gods running around with unlimited powers.  Be not fooled: it isn’t true when all is, said, and done!  For instance, even the most polished person in all the world cannot stop his or her death from arriving at its appointed time.  When someone can do that, can prevent death from plucking him or her from this world, and can live longer than God himself, I’ll then tip my hat to him or her and do life on their terms.  Until then, no amount of “human knowledge” can predict what God has in mind and in store for anyone. In essence, in the end, GOD calls the shots, not you nor I.

Coming out of the woods now, I am engaging a new beginning, with God at my side.  After very deep thinking, about what I know and what has been my personal experiences with the Lord, and much soulful turmoil, I know better than to allow anyone to stifle me again, based on his or her [closed-minded] opinions about God or about my writings.  I truly now adopt my mother’s saying, “To each his own, and God with everybody’s!”  I still love God, no matter what!