I love the fact of IMAGINATION, and I admire those who use theirs well! My own imagination has seen changes through the years. I called mine, My Dream World, and, at times, lived by it as the be all-end all, to the death! As a child, I would imagine myself being a Teacher; I was a mean teacher, pulling my siblings into my playtime and banging the ruler on the desk or over the top of their hands when they disobeyed me! My siblings retired me from the classroom very quickly. No one wanted to play with me anymore. They all agreed that I was a harsh taskmaster and that playing Teacher with me wasn’t any fun!
From there, I progressed to my young adult years, finding that My Dream World had opened up in ways larger than life, and that it got me into a heap of trouble in the real world! I was always a dreamer. I had a huge imagination, in living color, especially where “romance” was concerned! At one time, I had a major crush on a Jewish fellow I knew. I thought the attraction was mutual, for he acted interested in me whenever he saw me. We got together a few times, and always for romance, if you know what I mean. Then, when apart, I would spend my time daydreaming about our relationship. In that realm, we’d have wonderful conversations, loads of laughter, and danced beautifully together, in each other’s arms. But, dang… things grew different afterwards!
In the real world, I began noticing that the goings on weren’t lining up with what I had been imagining about us. For instances, we both frequented the same nightclub, and prior to arriving there, my imagination would have worked up the amazing evening we would share at the club; from the talks, to the laughter, to the dancing, to the walks by the river, to the love that we’d be making! But, when present, none of what I had imagined matched the results of what was actually true in the real sense. That big difference turned me into a chaser and him into a fast runner! I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t seeing things the way that I had been visualizing them! In my dream world, we were perfect for each other; he enjoyed being there, very much! But, in the real world, well, let’s just say that I was, floored, dismayed, and flabbergasted, at the idea that my dual world proved poles apart from each other! Surely, in his eyes, I made a fool of myself; I was clingy, needy, pestering, and unrealistic, and thus, he went and married somebody else.
I moved on from there, only to re-encounter the same situation with another heart interest. That one ran for 25 years. No, literally, he ran from me for 25 years! The most that this chase got me was a big novel that I wrote and titled, Deceived by Appearances. Parts of the story is here, in my Blog, under its own tab. Full of fantasy and fancy, just like that of my imagination, that man breathe inspiration–only into the story that unfolded on the pages–but not in the real world.
Those incidents changed my world, both the inner world and the outer world. And they changed me, as well. They made me see that not all is as it seems… That we could “imagine” one thing, but the same ideal won’t necessarily show up in the real sense, and that this could really be, a great letdown. They made me see that love and romance are two very different animals, that, in the real world, we’re dealing with imperfect, raw human beings who fall short of any glory we’ve given them in our dream world.
This became dangerous for me, in terms of that area of life. I was hurting only myself whenever “imagining” certain relationships in that particular way. And, truthfully, the cases in the real world turned me off to anything romantic. I went forced to look at my two worlds and separate one from the other, for they do not and cannot co-exist together. To the point, though, that somehow I’ve allowed the real world to overwhelm my dream world, and all of that seepage thereof, has turned my dream world into a place not even I want to visit at times! It is, an awful thing when not only are we watching horrors unfold daily, on the news and in our world and societies, but also when most of what we “imagine” leans towards doom and gloom, failure and hardship, violence and entrapment! Brrr…
I want my pure, wholesome, gentle, and loving imagination to come back! I want to be able to dream again, both, in daydream mode and while sleeping at night; it’s gotten to where I don’t even have dreams at night like I once did, and that’s disturbing to me. Yes, logic can take you from A to Z, and the imagination can and will take you everywhere, but mental health, it’s all in your mind! I’m off to repair mine and to dream new dreams, afresh.