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I was thinking the other day, about the direction that my life has taken… I cannot say that my past or my life was all bad; even as I have suffered many, many blows in life, and lived through many difficulties, hardships, and countless letdowns; I got to see tremendously-wonderful provision, of the divine kind. I never went “without,” and even when I may have been lacking anything, something similar to that anything would come along to sustain me. God borrows people, with proper resources, to bring surprising aid, or whatever other necessity any of us might have; I know that much and am eternally grateful for both, God and people, and all the Good that I did experience.

But, being a people-watcher, I was looking at people everywhere, especially those who are within my age range, (50 and older), and wondered if any of them simply settled for the mediocrity that surrounds them, or that life also has to offer, when we don’t reach for better or aspire to anything grand.  You know… the same old factory worker; who never changed jobs in 30 years, for one reason or another. Or same old “housewife” package, that makes us women appear haggard and spent, as we march our tired bodies and sad faces to the grocery store, for another round of “taking care of everybody else, but myself!” I call it a syndrome, but is it really only a mediocrity that each individual has selected for themselves and live by, no matter what else is offered to him or her?

To each his own, and God with everybody’s. I’m not judging; I’m simply going by a point-of-reference and comparing those lifestyles to my own.

I don’t know about you, but I also was the kind of person who believed, really and profoundly believed, that I came to earth to do something great… to be remembered as the legendary Oracle who, through her wisdom, and her suffering, and her many experiences, and her writings, subtly changed the world for the better.

I don’t feel that I came into existence to… just settle-for what life does otherwise offer; being in that sphere of mediocrity isn’t sitting right with me. An excessive amount of interruptions, to what I had hoped I’d be doing with my life and my time, have managed to weaken my resolve, dry up my will to press forward, and squashed my many dreams, of being that person (that oracle) who came here with something special to tell the world.

As a child, I remember all the “make believe” moments, that I, with my sister, Maria, always used to play. She always opted for being a famous movie star, and portrayed one very well, while I opted for being a Queen who, with her serious but gentle character, led the masses straight to heaven! Maria wasn’t always very thrilled with my role (or those dreams of mine); she felt they made me appear as a stern and stiff TASKMASTER, and she didn’t want to have-to be told, again, what to do! Our Mom was already doing that!

Instead of all of that playfulness, however, real life swooped in and changed everything: Maria died, at age 17, and I, after that shocker, continued on, juggling the constant challenges that life sent my way, and oftentimes carrying the weight of the world, on my shoulders! Do you see how easily one can lose his or her sense of fascination and wonderment?

As I looked on, and pondered the masses, I wondered if those people’s lives brought them any sense of okayness with –what appears to me is– the mediocrity they seem to have settled-for? Surely, many of them do not appear happy; something big must have happened in their life or gone wrong for them, when they are still living a life that appears impoverished and unexciting.

I wondered also, if they simply came to the earth without a great and specific “Calling”; not everyone can be a doctor, or leader of a country, or a superstar, if I may! But were they fated to only live-out their life, as is, with not much else to show for it? That part caused me to put myself in check, and examine all of this, and my role in humanity, too.

Was I, who no longer felt that sense of fascination and wonderment, as I once did; and who, at one time, dreamed big dreams and had great hopes for the future I wanted; meant-to settle, for all of this mediocre life? Was I meant to be like one of those persons, I earlier described, which sadden me just to look at them? Gosh, I hope not! As this would mean that I wasted my entire life, just dreaming, and hoping, wishing, and failing!

Have your dreams come true yet? I’m addressing the older adults. The young ones still have a whole life ahead of them, to steer their ships in a better direction, after reading this blog! But us, older folks; whom I notice have a lean life, nothing too ceremonious, but rather wizened and gloomy, from where I’m standing! Or, did you give up on your dreams, your hopes and aspirations, your talents, a long time ago? Or, wait; do you feel and believe that your only purpose for being here was solely to come through here just to get a taste of what life on earth would be like; and it turns out that it sucked? Did you ever want to be a movie star, or someone High-ranking, adored, wealthy, and unforgettable, but that all, went south? As children, with appreciable imagination, we all have had those types of dreams and excitement at one point, you know.

At any rate, I don’t want to die with my music still in me, as Dr. Wayne Dyer once put it. The talents, the ideals, the dreams of grandeur, that I once held, I want to see them come forth. I want to embody whom I came here believing I was destined to personify; I want to make a huge difference in the world, and even get paid, and make really good friends, while doing it!

But is there still that chance for me, I ask myself; since I ended up among the many who appear to have let life pass them by! Or did I suffer from delusions of grandeur, my entire life, and therefore missed the train?

Hmm… good question, Christina, but now answer this: have your own dreams come true yet?

Answer: To be continued…